HODL hands, not just bags!
P.S. Sorry to break your heart, but it was an April Fools’ joke. We love you, and we promise you will find love soon.
You must be sick of swiping through lame dating apps filled with NPC normies who don't even have a Metamask wallet or tired of getting ghosted as soon as you mention you hold huge bags of your favorite meme coin.
We hear you loud and clear.
This past Valentine's Day, our analytics confirmed what we already knew - you all were glued to the site as usual, watching those green and red candles paint the charts instead of cozying up with a human companion. Your one true love was the one and only CoinMarketCap.
No longer will you have to spend holidays alone, abandoning all human connections to obsessively refresh your CMC Portfolio. No more will you be shunned by fiat pleb masses for your degen lifestyle. We're hooking you up with the elite dating app crafted specifically for the crypto universe's most committed mercenaries.
Introducing CMC Crypto Cupid! This revolutionary new platform matches you with other like-minded mega-brained crypto fans based on your cryptocurrency preferences and trading habits.
Finally, a dating safe space away from the NPC normies who wouldn't know a BONK from a PEPE.
But How Does This Crypto-Dating Miracle Work?
CMC Crypto Cupid employs an advanced, proprietary algorithm to calculate each user's CDI - Crypto Dating Index. This ultra-complex scoring system analyzes data from your CoinMarketCap Portfolio and Watchlists to determine your true degen essence.
Factors like portfolio diversity, size, trading habits, and risk tolerance are all examined and fed into the algorithm. Are you a Bitcoin maxi, or do you belong to a memecoin army? Are you a whale or a crab? A patient, long-term hodler, or a DCA degen?
The algorithm even analyzes the market caps of your tokens to gauge just how deep your risk tolerance truly goes. Maybe you're all-in on trillion-dollar blue chips like Bitcoin and Ethereum. Or perhaps you're a self-made financial speculator with a portfolio consisting entirely of sub-$10k caps.
Trading data provides even more insights. The AI can deduce your typical holding periods, buy-sell tendencies, and whether you're a cursed investor who seems to buy every pump-and-dump. It knows if you're a weak hand constantly shuffling in and out of positions or a true diamond hand.
Armed with all this deeply personal crypto intelligence, CMC Crypto Cupid can precisely map out your financial psyche. From there, it cross-references against the entire user base to find your perfect degen partner.
CMC Crypto Cupid Official Features
But wait, there's more! CMC Crypto Cupid isn't just using powerful AI to find your soulmate - it's packed with innovative features that'll make falling in love easy.
HODL and Degen Modes - On lame, normie dating apps, you can specify if you want something serious or a casual fling. With CMC Crypto Cupid, it's all in the crypto terminology! Simply set yourself to "HODL" if you're looking for a ‘forever and ever’ situation, or "Degen" if you just want a fiery, short-term romance.
Unique Profile Creator - Don't be just another grey avatar in the sea of anons. Customize your profile with your favorite memes, project logos, and blockchain opinions.
Portfolio - Every profile displays a handy portfolio pie chart so you can quickly analyze a potential match's true degen makeup. You can easily find out if they are a Bitcoin maxi or do they belong to a memecoin army.
All swipes are free by the way - no gas is required for these ‘transactions.’ And if you ever change your mind, simply hit the "Rug Pull" button to instantly unmatch with zero remorse.
Who's Eligible for CMC Crypto Cupid?
CMC Crypto Cupid will be available exclusively to CMC Portfolio and CMC Watchlist users.
Why's that, you ask? Simple - these are the only true crypto fans dedicated enough to this crypto life to track their portfolios and watchlists obsessively.
If you're not religiously updating your CMC portfolio and tracking your favorite coins, how can the advanced matching algorithm properly analyze your personality? It just wouldn't be right to let in the casuals.
By restricting access to CMC's most devout power users, CMC Crypto Cupid ensures every match is 100% authentic material. No fiat pleb posers allowed.
The Scientific Proof - Crypto Is The Ultimate Love Connector
Look, we know what you're thinking - a dating app for crypto traders sounds like a concept dreamed up during a prolonged sleep deprivation-fueled bender. But believe it or not, crypto really is the social glue that brings people together!
The evidence? Check out these startling stats from coinmarketcap's official 2023 User Survey:
Typical Crypto Degen Profile
- Spends 18 hours per day refreshing CMC pages
- Personal best: Made $15.90 trading the Cardano
- Personal worst: Lost $10K on shibadogeharrypotterinu
Relationship Status
- 89% currently are single
- 11% are in a relationship or situationship
That's right, nearly 9 out of 10 degens are lonely, romantic hermits! But can you blame them? These hardcore blockchain fans are so obsessed with the charts that they don't have time for activities like "going outside" or “making friends.”
Yet at the same time, being a full-time crypto investor means living a life that normies simply could never comprehend. The thrill of catching an aliens.png coin pump. The fear of getting rekt by a project you went all-in with your monthly Wendy's paycheque. It forges a mindset that requires a special sort of companion to appreciate.
For the obsessed crypto players out there, finding a fellow degen who can embrace that risk-freak lifestyle is rarer than spotting a blockchain skeptic with an ounce of human joy left in their eyes. That's why they need Crypto Cupid- to finally mingle with their own mutant breed.
So don't be the fool missing out when this new crypto-dating app! Be first in line to find a partner who truly understands your love for crypto!
Who said crypto can’t be social? It’s time to find love on the blockchain!
